Omygod!

Its really ridiculous to keep moaning over the same old issues..but i want to!!! I had two auditions this week, and the nus one was realli intimidating. The whole process of auditioning was so systematic and emotionless tt it got to me... alot of hurdles. I went to the adm blk , then to the conservatory then i had to sign 5 sheets of i dunno wat forms, afterwhich another officer directed me up to the second level where i was shown to the warm-up room. The darn thing always happen to me. I was still okay in the warm up room..but when i got to the actual audition i freaked. Cos there are 6-7 freaking solemn looking musicianss staring at me once i step in! I guessed i might have looked abit unsettled and i had the "Die..y so many people" expression on my face. Its not funny to me okay!! My heart was pounding like mad lor, and the guy who look oh so familiar!!! smiled at me..maybe to ease my discomfort..but i reaally never expect so many people mah..all so solemn, and so i freaked again. And this is no new experience to me. My mind half blanked out and i begin to breathe with effort..not exaggeration its true! I just blurted out " I'm going to play bach's partita" and i just played liddat. And its realli hard to struggle back to focus on your piece when your hands and mind was freaked. I hate myself for that. I tried my best le..but still i stumbled over quite alot of passages and zao sia! Haiz..god..can u save me from stage fright anot..maybe i aint na me yan zhong..but at least stop my nervousness so that i can show my full potential. HAIZ. And the best thing..the only guy who smiled at me was the 2nd Violin guy fromTang Quartet!! No wonder i found him so familiar!!! Argh..diu lian * 1000000 ..cry..i zao sia in front of him so many times..this is just crazy. Cry..when will i ever see the light to performing..heart pain..heavy:(. And i lost my wallet..with my nric in it..my 50 bucks..life couldn get any worse than that right? Pray for a miracle..and i swear i will practise for 5 hours everyday if i got in..but haiz..no hope.