Disappointing if its e TRUTH.

Sunday night, or rather monday morn, he called at 1am, since that incident where we quarrelled over the profit thingy, things were awkward between us, esp me. I was oso tired lah, so i said, i'm tired and i'm sleeping already, nightz. And since that night, he didn't call le. He used to, every night without fail..maybe he sensed that i wasn't that comfortable with him anymore? Although evrything was forgiven, things has changed. My cousin say people in love dun quarrel, hmm, maybe i'm NOT yet in love..just beginning to like him...when all this have to happen...dun think that i would trust another so easily again...once bitten twice shy huh.

dun feel like talking to him as hearing his voice would always wake e naggy voice inside me " Wake up girl, he was just manipulating you, getting you to do his projects at a 50%-50% split when the market price was 15-25% for e project consultant and 75-80% for e designer. " Ta1 kan4 ni3 hao3 qi1 fu4 and he bullied you, all these tt had happened was a HOAX girl, wakie!!!
But hor..Shunling say e market pricing for html page is 50 dollars per page..i did 6 pages , two of which was filled with content..e rest were not available , client haven't provided them. For 6 pages hes gonna give me 300 dollars, reasonable right? Hmm, he said tt it was a 50%-50% split, that means client paying him 600 dollars for a 6 page microsite? Hao3 zhuan4 leh!

Was this realli true??? I badly want to shrug it off ... but i can't, my mind was telling me that i was stupid and inexperienced, and that e project profits were unfairly split. I din realli notice this unfairness, until we quarrelled that day, he was so sensitive over this profit thingy, and he offered me 80%-20%, is this wat tt is rightfully my share?? tts why he was so petty and edgy over this issue? His guilty conscience acting up? I badly wanna rub it off my mind!!!!!!!!! BUT I CAN'T..... This concerns not onli about money...oso the emotional issues involved..like e things we shared in this short 3 weeks tt i know him, he saw my bad points, good points, different sides to me tt maybe other people may not have discovered, i actualli felt tt i'm realli close to him.. If he realli manipulated my feelings so that he can take a bigger share of projects, i would realli feel just so damn rotten.... calm down...he isn't like tt!! i truly wanna believe...its e betrayal of trust that realli hits me, heart PAIN.....sometimes just wanna get away from him cos i dunno whats his real intentions, to get to know me better..or just to make use of me? realli feel so stupid... yah and we dun even talk in msn liao...he used to msn me whenever i'm online..not liao. I have this feeling that he is indeed using me... fine i'm foolish, i'm stupid..i shall crawl into a shell and lick my wounds, till i'm well, just hide there and dun come out...not in a long while...

Thought of all e things that he did for me... and this again made me wonder if i was thinking too much? like too much to e pessimistic side... he lend me his labtop for 2 weeks...help me buy stuff...went out together...act childish with me...hmm, maybe i'm too soft-hearted liao lah.

Anyway, Shunling advised me to sign a contract with him before starting on another project with him. I was very reluctant..cos we quite close liao...and he would definately feel hurt, no choice oso...he made me do this...he made me feel tt he had a guilty conscience by being so ultra sensitive to this money issue. But i oso feel guilty when i asked him over msn yesterday..yah. Think our status reverted back to strangers since i spoke to him about contract stuff. He said" You don't trust me meh? I only draw up contracts for my clients. You can ask your fren to draw up e contract for u, i have no time to do that." I felt realli bad when i saw his words...yea, soft hearted me..cannot lah, i dun wanna be bullied and feel so bu4 fu2. How would i know if he was angry that he can't cheat me liao, or angry that i don't trust him anymore?? I dun know wat to believe, i'm confused. How cool would all this be if he realli din split e profits unfairly.... i dunno!! did he? did he not? did he? did he not? manipulated me? yes? no? argh!!!!!!!!!! is he sincere towards being a friend to me? hmmm, i think so...we talked so much... i realli can't accept it if it was just a facade...i don't know what to believe. cryz. I dun think tt i'll do another project for him again after this one..can't bear to argue or see both of us stage this cool war..i rather not earn the money and remain friends, dun want things to turn ugly yea. I think this has come to a point that whats fair and unfair is not impt already...e emotions involved..are more hard to bear.

Back to being strangers.
The heartfelt moments spend together
was it realli so faint?
just a "puff" and what was built shattered.
Like fragile glass shards
tt will never be whole again
All that trust and understanding
All so broken
tt will never be whole again
Not matter what we do, how we try
This story ...
has it come to an end?
What i had believed doesnt seem true anymore,
I dun know what to believe ,What to do
I feel like a fool.
How i wished tt it was all a dream.
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Ta da!!! so dramatic right? yah i know what my cousin is gonna say again..gan3 qing2 feng1 fu4 right.. i pui!!!!!!!!!!!! yah lah... cos i feel more comfortable talking to a blog, cos if i talk face to face wif u guys, my mind will blank out one..cannot..hee. My split personality and thoughts, all written in my bloggie:P

Get over it girl, u'll be fine.