Omygod!

Its really ridiculous to keep moaning over the same old issues..but i want to!!! I had two auditions this week, and the nus one was realli intimidating. The whole process of auditioning was so systematic and emotionless tt it got to me... alot of hurdles. I went to the adm blk , then to the conservatory then i had to sign 5 sheets of i dunno wat forms, afterwhich another officer directed me up to the second level where i was shown to the warm-up room. The darn thing always happen to me. I was still okay in the warm up room..but when i got to the actual audition i freaked. Cos there are 6-7 freaking solemn looking musicianss staring at me once i step in! I guessed i might have looked abit unsettled and i had the "Die..y so many people" expression on my face. Its not funny to me okay!! My heart was pounding like mad lor, and the guy who look oh so familiar!!! smiled at me..maybe to ease my discomfort..but i reaally never expect so many people mah..all so solemn, and so i freaked again. And this is no new experience to me. My mind half blanked out and i begin to breathe with effort..not exaggeration its true! I just blurted out " I'm going to play bach's partita" and i just played liddat. And its realli hard to struggle back to focus on your piece when your hands and mind was freaked. I hate myself for that. I tried my best le..but still i stumbled over quite alot of passages and zao sia! Haiz..god..can u save me from stage fright anot..maybe i aint na me yan zhong..but at least stop my nervousness so that i can show my full potential. HAIZ. And the best thing..the only guy who smiled at me was the 2nd Violin guy fromTang Quartet!! No wonder i found him so familiar!!! Argh..diu lian * 1000000 ..cry..i zao sia in front of him so many times..this is just crazy. Cry..when will i ever see the light to performing..heart pain..heavy:(. And i lost my wallet..with my nric in it..my 50 bucks..life couldn get any worse than that right? Pray for a miracle..and i swear i will practise for 5 hours everyday if i got in..but haiz..no hope.

Unwanted, lousy, useless.

Zaizai in meteor Graden once said :"Whenever my tears come, i\ll do a handstand to let them flow back into my eyes." But y must he do that? If u want to cry u cry lah. By keeping all e unhappiness inside u, u'll onli feel worse. Act cool onli..puiz.

No tuition grant..most prob no bursary..most prob take loan, if all else fails..i'll be back to square one. I hate to admit this..but think ii have to..I'm feel realli lousy and am prob e lousiest of the lousiest, both mep students..candy got into level one without having to take the foundation level, while i was placed into the foundation level..no matter how hard i practise..i mean i really did take the effort to do so everyday..who says being sincere and determined would reap results? Not in my case..i'm lousy, stupid, scaredy-catted by nature and no amount of hard work is gonna change that i'm certain. I feel rejected..went for air-stewardess interview, failed 2 times, failed to perform properly in muchuan competition and audition, failed miserably at the lasalle auditions too. I might as well go and die.

linda and me with bdae cake..linda kept stealing e white chocolate chips from e cake!

me and caNdY

starbucks!

ac's face very small..can cover with my hand, HAHAHA:D

wats so funnie? lols:D

classic expression, i like it:D

wanhua, me and candy at tonkichi...the three musketeers in e old tkgs days.. : )

qing took this...

smile so wide:D

me and qq:)

bdae girl and boy:D

Most happening:D

This is realli an stressful, happening week amongst e others where i just get by watching jamie oliver and chn 55 drama serials and eating junk:D

About my lasalle audition..i was stressed e whole week cos of this audition..2 days before the audition which was on sat April 2nd, i had insomnia..me u know!! fancy me getting insomnia! always fall asleep in mins, i tossed and turn for like 4 hrs before drifting into a restless sleep. So damn torturous, hot and sticky! And i kept up with my practises..its realli hard to be tt disciplined even when u are stressed up. Try playing the same stuff over and over again for a month..and u will know what i mean, i think i had improved alittle since my se days..happy to say:) with e advice of Hilary Hahn..a realli superb violinist.. www.hilaryhahn.com

anyways..i arrived 1/2hr before my audition slot..lasalle looks like my primary school! so worn down and ..under renovated..it seems like a haunted house on tt day..cos its raining and e lighting was dim. The music classrooms are like what candy had described, containers:D more like prison cells. E ang moh who auditioned me was super friendly..he had absolutely no airs, friendly, no barriers of superiority. He strolled up to me with a warm smile on his face and unlocked e classroom door for me..and walked off. A few mins later he came back with a packet of kopi-o..so cute:D not in tt sense(he looks like 40 to me)..as in his behaviour:) so student-ish.

I'm realli angry with myself..always get so nervous..fingers were already frozen from e cold...and being nervous onli allowed me to make alot of mistakes, that i dun even make when i was at home practising all this while..couldn believe myself..dumb lor. Its kind of amazing, my mind sort of detach itself from my fingers..went blank..and e next moment in e matter of split seconds, i forgot which note i was gonna press next..but my right hand which was holding the bow..kept up the pace..not coordinated:( He wasn't looking at me all this while, he was busy setting up his imac laptop, while listening to me play..think tt did help alot:)

And..yup, he did ask me about how i'm gonna pay for my school fees..i mentioned bursaries..:) prays hard i can get one from nac. Tested me on aural..whereby he play chords on e piano..then ask me to differentiate e major from e minor ones. Also asked me to "lalala" some melodies that he played on e piano. Quite easy..compared to what i've learned in o'level mep:) Luckily..i got in..to the foundation level..have to study for 4 years to get a honours in music..by the time i graduate i'll be like 24 plus-25..boooo..so old:D The tohought of studying again realli makes me happy though..if i could, i rather study my whole life..working basically sucks.

After e audtion..i went home to bathe..eat..then had to rush over to compass point to teach a new student in sonare music school:D Only have one student to teach for now..principal said that i will have more to teach when the sch semester starts..more money for me then:) After teaching, i met up with chenfu and yuhua..to shop for baoxing and fions' bdae pressies. Got 2 bdae cards and a jacket for bx..we oso contributed an ang bao towards fion's digital piano fund:D

Had a great celebration with qing, guowen,fion,baoxing,chenfu,shunling,yuhua at some cha lou..teahouse..the lady who was explaining the art of tea-brewing has such a queit voice that i was dozing off:D its ealli interesting to see her boil e water to pour into thr tiny pot with tea leaves. We played ludo..e guys were playing weiqi:D And yah..shunling played guzhen in the teahouse! it was so exciting:d everyone was like looking at her:D i oso did e unthinkable..i played my violin there! haha..luckily no one came up to complain..cos my violin has powerful vocals:D

Headed off to a pub as e night is still young:D But it seems tt we were out of place:D was a real eye-opener for me though not pleasant to see e harsh realities of life. I'm realli an idealist..gotta snap out of it sometimes. Quite suprised to find that i like Bailey!! Its basically milk with vodka..i dun like alcohol btw..esp beer and shandy. Went home at ard 12 plus together with fion ling and guowen in a cab. Had a realli wonderful day:)

Sunday arrives..and AGAIN..we are celebrating two of my frens' bdae. Linda and Wanhua. Went to tonkichi jap restaurant..gave wanhua her pressie..body shop cosmetics:) got tt limited edition lip gloss k!! so pretty..i oso want..but think they dun have any more of tt colour liao..:(..eh..think they cheat us..i remembered e last time when i went with yuhua ling meitian and tziming..our set meal consisted of tt delicious bowl of soup with meat, mushrooms ..mango pudding is even included as dessert..but they did not serve us these two kind of foods today leh..y?? Argh..i love e soup..y don't have.POUT* My ebi prawn and piggy's breaded katsu very nice though. Sidetrack alittle..me and candy discussed abt e audtion..she seems worried..don't worry girl, u will surely make it:) i was very nervous and made mistakes...and yet got in..i believe u can do it! and u might get exempted from e lst yr?? who knows:)

After lunch..we went over to suzeng's sis taiwan shiling snack stall..a francise of e original one. Wanhua sneaked off with piggy to buy a mambo bag for linda..haha, linda of cos guessed e real reason when wanhua made an excuse:DAte some omelette pancake with pork floss..yum..realize that i've been eating alot..and oso..think i'm gonna tip e scales any second! die..i hate to diet when tt happens. We ate e bdae cake there..it was white chocolate two layered strawberry jam sponge cake..realli nice..from swiss bake..next time can go buy from them, they are located at taka food court, near to the doughnut stall...had bought 2 cakes from them..and all taste good. I shall try the oreo cheesecake next time:D..wait..the food race hasn't ended..we popped into starbucks for an ice-blended mocha..so sinful with whipped cream.

when suzeng finalli arrived with her mee sua and chicken fillet..we headed home..tired but happy:)